The Funniest Joke You've Ever Told

by Mallcops

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Pre-orders for tapes benefitting RAINN are available from NDE Records at nderecords.limitedrun (dot) com

Thank you Craig Lindholm, Jonathan Brown, Casey Sanders, Robert Brian Delfs, Hunter Withrow, Zac Djamoos, everyone at NDE Records, Jake Checkoway and his family, Sleeping Patterns, Matt the tow guy, the people at Autozone in Natick, MA, our parents, especially Jimmy Del Ponte for letting us practice in his house, Zakk Nix, Matti Lepkowski, Jake Babineau, Tyler Graham, Caskets Filled With Flowers, Wen, The McGandys, Kally Morse and everyone else who helped us make this real.

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released July 28, 2015

All songs written by Mallcops
All songs produced and recorded by Jake Checkoway

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Mallcops Boston, Massachusetts

On tour in Canada this Fall :)

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Track Name: Muffled Little Eulogies
I'm detached, I feel it all slip away. I let you fall right through the cracks. I see the sorrow take another day. I hear your cries for help echo from the back of my mind. Theres nothing inside. I dreamed that I died, I woke up and lied and I told you I dreamed about us getting married. There's ghosts in the floorboards I know that its scary.

So detached your face is mangled. I let you fall right through the cracks. As our arms and legs become tangled, I hear your cries for help echo from the back of this lonely apartment complex. Maybe we'd have had lives of our own. I keep flashing back to when our lives were tangled and your body was my home.

All at once, I heard you breathe out and I waited patiently for a gasp. Fingers tangled like yarn won't help us now, when our bodies are fragile like the glass in that lonely apartment complex, (I count down, and I'm so sorry) we begin to shatter at the words. Muffled little eulogies. Oh my god, we will never learn.

I'm so sorry I let you down again.
I know i promised to give you all I can.
But things are changing and I'm so afraid of everything.

And when you walk home alone, I follow you half way.
No I don't think I'm a hero. I'm just always so afraid.
Track Name: Ambulances
Far away, I still hear you breathing. I wounded you and I started bleeding. I'm not abandoning anyone, and until now you were the only one. You've been ruining me so drawn out and steady. I know that I was never ready. I'm not abandoning anyone, and until now you were the only one. I have to leave. One day things will go back to the way they were always supposed to be. I have to leave. One day things will go back to the way they were always supposed to be.

So when the lights go down in Boston, nothings more familiar than the sound of 4,000 ambulances racing to a football field where I collapsed in the stands after breaking up a fight. I'm not the person you want me to be, it's everyone else's demons that haunt me. I feel all the eyes. Do you feel alive turning those who try to save into villains?

On a wall a hospital bracelet hangs like a badge of tortured remembrance. This is not abandonment. This is just your common sense. I've been ruining you so drawn out and steady. I know that I was never ready. Show me how your fingers twist, when roses bloom between your lips. I have to leave. One day things will go back to the way they were always supposed to be. I have to leave. One day things will go back to the way they were always supposed to be.

So when the lights go down in Boston, nothings more familiar than the sound of 4,000 ambulances racing to a football field where I collapsed in the stands after breaking up a fight. I'm not the person you want me to be, it's everyone else's demons that haunt me. I feel all the eyes. Do you feel alive turning those who try to save into villains?

I don't care about the way your hair falls on your face anymore.
I forgot the way it feels. My conscience says no more.

4,000 ambulances cut across a football field and I swear that I can see are the lights. I'm not the person that I want to be. Everyone else's demons control me. I feel alive. I feel all the eyes. Turning those who try to save into villains.

I don't care about the way your hair falls on your face.
Track Name: Violet Train Tracks
When you wake up I'll be on my way home on violet train tracks protected by my headphones. And all these streets that we used to call our home take me back to sunsets over our bones.

It's so funny how laughing doesn't feel the same now.
It's a tragedy that we're not who we used to be.

When you wake up, I'll be in your front lawn, six feet underneath the roses from your junior prom. Put all the maps that you drew in my mailbox
cause I'm afraid I'll forget where we left off.

I won't be okay as familiar places fall away.
It's a tragedy that we're not who we used to be.

Lie awake in your bed. This is not in your head.

While you were digging my grave,
I was paving the way for a brighter future for myself.

When you wake up I'll be on my way home on violet train tracks protected by my headphones. And all these streets that we used to call our home take me back to sunsets over our bones.

It's so funny how laughing doesn't feel the same now.
It's a tragedy that we're not who we used to be.
Track Name: 80 Reasons Why
I took your photos off my wall and replaced them with pictures of my friends. I know you burned the ones you had, and I'm sorry for this year. I'm sorry that I got mad.

But you gotta believe me. I didn't burn the ones I had. They're in a box in my closet with all the other stuff I wish I never had. I never wanted to make this feel so hopeless. I'll cut my fingers on ticket stubs to movies that we talked through. Every photograph reminds me that I miss you.

You never wanted to come over and ask me why I ordered them chronologically.

I'm bleeding through my shirt and onto the concrete. And through my shoes you'll feel my heartbeat; a thousand miles trekked though your streets.

I didn't burn the ones I had. They're in a box in my closet with all the other stuff I wish I never had. I never wanted to make this feel so hopeless. I'll cut my fingers on ticket stubs to movies that we talked through. Every photograph reminds me that I miss you.

You never wanted to come over and ask me why I ordered them chronologically.

I'm bleeding through my shirt and onto the concrete. And through my shoes you'll feel my heartbeat; a thousand miles trekked though your streets.

I loved you and all the lines you traced in my life. Like cursive poetry in sunlight. I see you fine but something's not right.

Last night, I dreamed that we got married and we were happy in a house that we built for ourselves and I felt at ease. I never wanted to turn this into silence. I'll cut my fingers on promises I broke and I'm so sorry that I stumbled and erased all of the songs that we wrote.

We crossed our hearts we'd self destruct and leave this bitter world behind.